Are you concerned about someone you know?

There are basic steps you can take to help and support a friend, family member, colleague, neighbour, or acquaintance who confides in you that she is experiencing abuse from her partner.

Emotional support
Try to listen, understand, and be careful not to blame the person close to you. Tell her she is not alone and that there are many women in similar situations. Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk about experiencing abuse. Give her time to talk, but don’t push her to go into too much detail if she doesn’t want to.

Affirm that she is in a frightening and very difficult situation.

Tell her that no one deserves to be threatened or abused, regardless of what the abuser has told her. There is no justification for the abuser’s behaviour.

Support her as a friend. Encourage her to express her feelings, whatever they may be. Allow her to make her own decisions.

Don’t tell her to leave the relationship if she is not ready to do so—that must be her decision.

Practical support
Tell her to call the Women’s Counselling Centre at 116 016 on weekdays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Ask if she has suffered any physical injuries. If so, offer to go with her to the hospital or visit her general practitioner. Suggest that keeping a record of any injuries may be useful in the future, as abuse often escalates over time.

Help her report the assault to the police if she decides to. Go with her to a lawyer if she is ready for that step. Agree on a code word she can use if she is in danger and needs help.

Plan safe strategies for leaving the abusive relationship. Allow the woman who has experienced violence to set her own boundaries of what she thinks is safe and what is not; don’t pressure her into actions she expresses doubt about.

Offer to let her use your address and/or phone number for leaving information and messages, and tell her you will be there for her if she wants that.

Give her a small amount of money to set aside in case she needs a taxi or bus fare in an emergency to leave the house and go to her family or to a shelter. Don’t forget to take care of yourself while supporting someone during such a difficult and emotional time. Be careful not to put yourself in a dangerous situation; for example, don’t offer to talk to the abuser about your friend, or allow the abuser to see you as a threat to their relationship.